any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
