ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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