Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Rumble strips road head = magical
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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