Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
