'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
