My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
