Tell her she can't have a vagina
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I cut my penus on the lid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need a beard to bite.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
