party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize