In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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