what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
