I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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