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we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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