when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
