So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
