the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
