apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
