What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
