not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she peed on how many people?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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