yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
