I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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