I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
