I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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