normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
