im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
