I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
