I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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