happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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