Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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