do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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