I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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