She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
