Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
