I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
