Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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