I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
