everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize