You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
