last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
