There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
