ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize