3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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