you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we're so committed to being not committed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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