i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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