I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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