I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
even my farts smell like vagina
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
