I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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