So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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