I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
