i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
