Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You took a bar mat shot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
