It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
