We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
