so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We named our party play list daddy issues
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
