There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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