i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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