My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
