i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
