I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
