Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
