there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
